DAUGHTER DIARY

Daughter diary

Our 14-year-old daughter wrote the following entry in her diary. I have her permission to reprint it here, and have taken the liberty to change her use of her brothers' and sisters' names into age-gender references. Other than that, the following words are hers.

Sometimes I wish I were the type of person who didn't refrain from anger, someone who didn't put up with teasing from "Day 1" as some teachers would say. But wishing does nothing.  I could wish every single one of my brothers and sisters and I were living with our parents, but it's better to pray, because God answers prayers.  Wishing does nothing. 

I really want my whole family back together again. I feel like writing a book about it, I don't have to wait, I'm sure, but right now I don't think any books that I write, if I write will be read unless my friends read them, and if I waited, I wouldn't have to change any names. Because of the CAS, 9 of my siblings (9 including me) were taken away from our home in July. We were put in 5 different foster homes - my 12-year-old sister and I in Nepean, my 4- and 5-year-old sisters in Carp, my 8- and 10-year-old sisters, my 7- and 6-year-old brothers, and my 2-year-old brother in Orleans. 

Our mother specifically told me to stay with my 2-year-old brother (the youngest) no matter what happened right in front of the CAS. I was bound to listen to my mother, but the CAS put my 2-year-old brother by himself. That's just not fair for a two-year old. 

The day the CAS came, I wrote to my best friend through e-mail. I knew it wouldn't get to her for a while because her family doesn't have a computer, she checks her e-mail when she goes to her grandmother's. Also something not fair. I can't right to my relatives right now because I don't know their addresses, and I can't use e-mail because I don't have e-mail where I'm staying and the internet only works downstairs.

I get to see my 18-year-old sister and my 16-year-old brother nearly every day, my 6- and 7-year-old brothers on Wednesday's and Sunday's, My parents on Tuesday's and Sunday's and the rest only on Sunday's.  My 20- and 21-year-old brothers rarely. The CAS ruined a lot of things for me and my siblings. My 18-year-old sister didn't know about the CAS coming until she called. She was at Camp Galilee. The CAS asked my 16- and 20-year-old brothers if they wanted to live in a group home. They said no.

The CAS are cruel. They like ripping families apart. They say it's our parent's fault we were taken away, but I know it's the CAS. They're driving my mother crazy. If they can help it we won't be back with our parent. Thinking about it makes me concentrate less in school work. It's really getting to me. Last Wednesday at choir, I don't like the way Marguerite, my 6- and 7-year-old brother's "foster mother" treated my 7-year-old brother.

I can't stand to see anyone, especially my brothers or sisters treated like that sitting in the back near your sister you hardly ever see and forced to sit in the front or someone forcing you to do something you don't want to do. I know at least 1 teacher who is like that and it's my grade 4-5 teacher. As far as I could tell Margeurite likes taking her time with a lot of things.

Sometimes I can't stand that kind of person, because they're annoying. I'm glad Megan's not like that, but sometimes she can be annoying, but no matter what, she's still my friend. On the first day of school (the Tuesday), I knew Megan got my e-mail from that Thursdsay, because she told me, but she didn't truly understand until she came over. I know she wants to go to Awana and she still might want to go to youth group. 

Because of the CAS, none of my family went to Silver Lake, I didn't get to go for the last youth group (watching baseball)  The next one is a week from Saturday and it's a hike up by Luskville Falls up to the Fire Tower in Quebec, unless it's a different trail this time, but I hope not. And it'll be a first completely for my 12-year-old sister. We can't go to sing at the Versa Care and New Orchard Lodge's because of the CAS, because my 2-year-old brother, and my 4- and 5-year-old sisters have to leave at 3:00. My 4- and 5-year-old sisters go, but first they usually say bye to us.

When my 2-year-old brother goes anybody could tell he doesn't want to go because whenever he has to leave he starts crying. One of the times my dad told us that one of the people who works for CAS said that when my 2-year-old brother had to leave he said "No foster mommy none."

Yesterday when my 2-year-old brother got to church, to his foster mother, he said "Bye Mommy", then inside the church when he saw our mother he said, "Hi mommy." and whenever he comes he says "Home."

I'll never be able to live in my family's old house again, I'm sure, but when my siblings and I can go back home, we'll live close to the schools we'll be going to. My 12-year-old sister will still go to D. Roy. I'll still come here. My 10-, 8-, and 5-year-old sisters, and my 7-year-old brother will go to D. Roy. My 6-year-old brother will have to go to OCTC still.

My 12-year-old sister and I can go to Awana, but the others can't, they "live" in Orleans right now. Something else I have against the CAS is what they did to my mother's family when she was really little and she's only met her real brothers and sisters last September. She stayed there from August 25 to September 14. My 2-year-old brother went with her.

I talked to some of my relatives over the phone and the only relative of mine that I ever met in my whole life are, my grandmother on my dad's side, my Uncle Ralph, Aunt Susan and Cousin Connor, all on my dad's side, in July, after I finished kindergarden, for 3 day they visited. We went to KFC, walked on the bicycle path and went to Andrew Haydon Park and some other parks. Because of the CAS, our parents gave Job away. He was our dog. My 18-year-old sister got him for her 11th birthday. I can't stand it. It's like the CAS won't let us be seen with our parents in public.

Only my 12-year-old sister and I can go to Awana. The others 'live' 'to far away' When I'm with my parents without having to worry about the CAS, it's like I'm free from the rest of the world. My parents can't go to Awana unless they find a way to get there from Orleans because they have to go to the CAS building to have their visit with my 10- and 8-year-old sisters and my 7- and 6-year-old brothers.

During our visits, the CAS has people 'observing' our parents. I like calling them spies because that's what they are. The CAS are very picky and obnoxious. We can't even talk to our parents without any CAS agents around. The only people in my family I can talk to without any 'observers' from the CAS are my 18-year-old sister, my 16-year-old brother and my 12-year-old sister.

The CAS are picky, rude, mean and obnoxious. The national anthem says 'God keep our land GLORIOUS and FREE.' Do many people really feel that way? I don't think so. I wish Canada would be glorious and free. This is God's land, but it's the people who should make it free, but they don't.  They let the CAS take over the families. They can tear families apart without caring. It's like they're a few of the only ones who really, truly have freedom. In 2 years the CAS will absolutely, completely not be able to control my life.