Canadian Father Answers

"A Canadian Father Answers"

James Williams writes:

Re: Baby-making needed-Our aging population is huge trouble and immigration won't save us
Fri, March 16, 2007 by Licia Corbella
Calgary Sun

Dear Ms. Corbella,

I am afraid I must vehemently disagree with the premise in your article that 'more baby making' is needed and with the suggestions that you make regarding the reasons for the declining  birth rate in Canada.

I strongly believe that the major reason for the declining birth rate is not government tax policies nor lack of funding for 'fertilisation' technologies but in fact government policies at both federal and provincial levels concerning divorce and custody issues that mandate discrimination against fathers. The fact of the matter is quite simple:  according to current law, fathers in Canada are viewed as nothing more than sperm banks and ATMs.

If a caring, loving father is suddenly confronted by a divorce demand from his wife, it makes no difference to the courts and the judges who run them what the truth is with respect to 'primary caregiving'.  Irrespective of the truth the courts automatically pronounce the mother as the primary caregiver and award her sole custody or at the very least 'primary residency' which is the term now used to disguise the fact that sole custody has effectively been given to the mother.

Once this has been done it is essentially impossible for any father to gain any semblance of custody over his children or to even have any kind of normal 'fathering' relationship.  He will normally end up spending the rest of his life going bankrupt fighting the courts and his wife to even see his children and paying the extortion (called spousal and child support) demanded by the so-called justice system, even though that same system cares not a whit about whether or not the mother constantly violates the so-called 'visitation' and 'access' orders.  These terms themselves are insults to fathers - visitation - we are NOT visitors, we are the childrens' FATHER - access - access is a special privilege you give to somebody who has done something wrong - in 99% of the cases the only crime committed by the father is that he wants to actually be the childrens' FATHER.

Fathers in Canada have been vilified for too long. Unfortunately they are not the sole victims - their innocent children also have to suffer due to a system that portrays their fathers as monsters and unfit to raise them. As a result tens of thousands of Canadian children are prevented from having any relationship, let alone a meaningful one, with their fathers. Yet we are constantly told that one of the biggest social issues facing youth today is the large number of children growing up without a father presence. If you are a divorced father this is no surprise - the current legal system practically mandates that children of divorced parents shall not have a father. Even worse is the fact that numerous studies show that children living with their mothers alone are much more likely to be abused or even killed. It doesn't take much thought to realise that we could greatly reduce child abuse and child murder by awarding custody of the children to fathers.

And you ask why there are not more 'made in Canada' babies?  Essentially the system says to fathers "As the sperm donor you shall for ever more be responsible and liable for whatever we care to decree and for however we care to torment and punish you for having the audacity to actually believe that you are a good father. However, for any other purposes these are not your children and we shall do everything we can to make sure you never get to be a father in any meaningful way and we will support the mother in whatever attempts she makes to deny you access."

On a personal note, I am an abused spouse - a husband - in the middle of divorce proceedings and a custody battle for my children. My wife repeatedly abused me verbally, psychologically, and physically. She threatened to kill me in front of a case worker from the Children's Aid Society. This is all documented in records on file with the court. (I have never abused my wife in any way.)

Yet when it was brought up in court the judge literally laughed in my face and said "Ha. ha. ha. You look like a pretty big guy. You still look pretty healthy to me. I don't think she meant it."

A police officer asked me "Did she actually try to kill you?" When I said no, he told me that what she says doesn't count then - it was probably just said in anger - and would only be relevant if she actually tried to kill me.

All this in spite of the fact that there is a documented record of abuse filed with the court.

Addtionally, even though my wife was at home while my children were growing up, I was the primary caregiver.  I got up at night to give them their bottles when they were babies.  I got up in the middle of the night when they were sick.  I took them to the hospital in the middle of the night when it was necessary.

I prepared  the majority of their breakfasts, lunches, and suppers.  In fact I had to teach my wife how to cook when we got married.  She insisted on having a housekeeper from the time we moved into our home.  Any and all outside chores were 100% my responsibility.

My children were in school from the time they were 2 and half years old and my wife enrolled them in before and after school daycare so her 'daily' time with them was really no more than mine even though I was working my butt off to support her and her lifestyle as well as my children.

I drove the children to school in the morning even though it meant fighting rush hour traffic for 20 km in one direction to drop them before turning around to fight rush hour traffic for 40 km in the opposite direction before I even got to work in the morning.  I was the parent who always took time off work to attend school events and act as a parent chaperone.

Yet when my wife filed for divorce the courts insisted that my wife was the primary caregiver and threw me out of the house with 4 days notice in the middle of winter and awarded primary residency of the children to my wife.

Is it any wonder that men are reluctant to talk about or report spousal abuse against themselves?  Is it any wonder that Canadian men no longer want to become fathers?

Unless, and until, the media wakes up to the real facts and publicises the real state of domestic violence and the real state of the wrongful vilification of fathers in divorce courts around the country I am afraid that innocent children will continue to suffer horrible fates and fathers will become extinct in Canada.

I can certainly think of no reason that I would advise a young man to become a father.  As for my two sons, if I ever do see them again, I shall certainly strongly advise them against becoming fathers.  I could not bear to think that they would have to suffer the same misery as I have.

Sincerely yours,

James Williams