SECOND CHANCE

I FELT I HAD BEEN GIVEN A SECOND CHANCE WHEN PAMELA SURVIVED ABORTION
MUM'S LOVE FOR TWIN WHO LIVED
By Donna White Chief Writer
Feb 15 2004

WHEN Margaret Cuthill learned she was still pregnant after an abortion she was stunned.

She said: 'I felt a surge of love I felt I had been given a second chance.'

Only years later she learned the procedure may not have failed. She believes she terminated her daughter Pamela's twin, while Pamela survived undetected by doctors.

Margaret, 57, was shocked last week to open her newspaper to the glaring headline: 'Mum Sues Over Failed Abortion.'

Leah Murray, 26, of Rosyth, raised an action for £30,000 compensation from her GP for his failure to notice she was still pregnant with a baby girl after a supposed termination.

Margaret, of Paisley, shakes her head in sadness.

She said: 'I wonder if this young woman realises there is a chance the abortion did not fail, and she like me terminated her daughter's twin.

'I can relate to everything she is going through. There will be so much pain and guilt and anger. And it's coming out in this distorted way.

'The sad thing is that the medical profession don't recognise women who have abortions still need to grieve. And no amount of money will take the pain of this away. She needs all the love and support she can get to face up to what's happened and accept it.'

Margaret, who now counsels women traumatised by abortion, can understand more than anyone what this young mum feels when she looks at her little girl.

'I thought Pamela was a miracle child who was protected and that she was somehow meant to be.'

But for years, Margaret refused to face up to the fact she may have robbed Pamela of a twin.

Her daughter was almost 10 when Margaret learned to accept the possibility that a child might have been aborted that day. There could have been a second one growing in her womb that doctors simply failed to spot.

Pamela admits she sometimes thinks about the fact she may have lost a twin. But she says growing up knowing the truth helped her come to terms with her mother's decision.

She said: 'When mum first told me, I was young and it didn't really sink in. I don't think I cried.

'Through talking to her, I think I understand why she made the decisions she did.

'But it's still sad and at birthdays and Christmas I wonder what it would be like to have a brother or sister.'

Margaret, who had had a previous abortion 11 years earlier, became a volunteer for support group British Victims of Abortion in 1988, in an effort to come to terms with her past.

She now works for them full-time as a project co-ordinator.

It was at one of their conferences 10 years ago she first suspected Pamela may have been a twin.

A guest speaker revealed how one twin could be aborted while the other survived.

Margaret went home and told Pamela everything.

She said: 'Years earlier I had talked to her about my first abortion and she had been very understanding and comforting.

But this time it seemed different. I was telling her she was missing out on a twin someone with whom she would have had an incredible bond.

'She asked a lot of questions but accepted it very calmly.'

Gynaecologist Dr Kay McAllister, based at Glasgow's Sandyford Clinic, said: 'There is an accepted failure rate for abortion but in such cases itis clear to the doctor the procedure has not worked.

In the case of twins, it is possible the mother could pass one and not the other.'

Such cases are rare but not isolated.

Mum-of-four Kim Nicholls, from Stafford, gave birth to a daughter, who she later discovered had been a twin, after having an abortion. She settled out of court with her doctor two years ago and was paid a five-figure sum.

Kim, 38, was advised to have a termination in 1999 after Caesarean sections during the births of her three previous children led to serious health problems.

She said: 'The money will not make up for the fact I'm going to have to explain it to my daughter when she is older.'

Pamela is glad she found out when she was young. She said: 'I think if I found out now, it would be devastating. Honesty is what has held us together.

A talented photographer, Pamela hopes to study visual communications at art school.

She has had boyfriends but admits her mum's past makes her wary of men. Pamela said: 'Mum gives me my freedom to see who I want but I wouldn't just jump into bed with a man. 'She supports me and lets me make my own mistakes so I know if I came home pregnant, she'd be there for me.

'I think there are cases where abortion is necessary like when a woman's health is at risk but it shouldn't be a lifestyle choice.

'Women don't realise how much pain it can cause, even years after the event.

'Mum might have made some terrible choices but I've always been reassured that I'm wanted. She's happy the way things turned out.'

Margaret was 26 when she first fell pregnant to a married man. He returned to his wife after learning of her pregnancy but offered to pay for an abortion. With her world falling apart, Margaret agreed. She steered clear of relationships after that and was 37 when she met Pamela's father.

He was a salesman based in England, who visited her when he was north of the border.

But after they slept together, he disappeared. Margaret later found out he was married with two daughters.

She was ashamed when she discovered she was pregnant and, believing herself unfit to be a mum, had a termination.

But 10 weeks after the abortion, she went for a check-up and discovered she was still pregnant.

She said: 'The doctor said there was something in my womb and sent me for a scan.

'I collapsed in tears. I was petrified there was something wrong with me, that I was being punished for my past.' But anurse took her by the hand and pointed to the screen.

There, she saw a tiny pair of arms and legs.

'I assumed the abortion had failed. This time, I was determined to have my baby.'

A week before Pamela was born, in May 1984, Margaret got another call from her baby's father. She agreed to meet him.

She said: 'When he saw my bump he did a double take. I told him if a young man or woman came looking for him, he should give them the respect they deserve. He agreed and walked out of my life.'

Margaret was a full-time mum scraping by on benefits for the first seven years of Pamela's life. She said: 'I owed it to Pamela to be there for her.

'I never regretted having her. Since the moment she was born she has brought me so much love and joy.'

Through her training with British Victims of Abortion, Margaret learned to grieve for the children she lost.

Part of that process was naming her lost children, who she instinctively believes were boys. She named her first child Jonathon and called Pamela's twin Christopher, after her daughter's childhood teddy.

As the memories come flooding back, Margaret thinks she understands more than anyone how Leah feels.

Gazing at her own daughter, Margaret said: 'I'm only sorry I deprived her of the large family she deserves.'

British Victims of Abortion can be contacted on 0845 603 8501.

mailfileTerminations

THERE were 11,594 abortions in Scotland in 2002, compared to 12,126 in 2001.

Not all abortions are for young girls. The proportion of terminations carried out on women aged 30 and over rose to 28 per cent in 2002, from 22 per cent in 1991.

Almost all terminations (99.8per cent in 2002) are performed in NHS hospitals or clinics.

Tayside has the highest rate of abortions at 14 per 1000 women aged 15-44. Lothian is second, with 13.6, while the lowest rates are in Dumfries & Galloway (8.1) and Orkney, Shetland and the Western Isles (7.4).