The Abominations Guy

The Abominations Guy
By Lee Duigon
MichNews.com
Dec 12, 2006

I know a guy who does nothing all day but sit in a superheated steam room and dream up abominations. He's been doing it for a long time, he's quite good at it, and some of his innovations have caught on. He doesn't always get the credit for them, but that's all right. He's not bitter.

"I do like talking about them, though--my little ideas," he says. "I like the way they play out in the world. I plant them, and by and by they come up and bear fruit. It's very satisfying to me."

He may not get the credit from the media, but he's not shy about claiming it for himself.

"That whole business about Mary Cheney going to 'have a baby' with her lesbian partner--my idea, originally," he says. "All you need is a sperm donor, a little technological razzle-dazzle, and presto! You've got a child who's fatherless by design, who'll grow up knowing that this void in his life has no other cause but his mother's perverse selfishness. I mean, if that's not an abomination, I don't know what is.

"In this particular case, the icing on the cake is that this is the vice president's daughter. So any action, by this vice president, to support or protect so-called 'traditional marriage' is only going to look silly, or downright hypocritical. The people who voted for this man want traditional marriage protected, but he can't do a blessed thing for them--can't even open his mouth."

As our medical technology grows more and more sophisticated, he goes on, we won't have to stop with babies being "born" to gays and lesbians.

"Why stop there," he says, "when with a little more medical know-how, we can have human babies being born to animals? That'd be a fantastic abomination! How would you like it if your 'mother' was a German shepherd, or a chimpanzee? Of course, the next step has to be to devise a way for a gay man to carry a fetus somewhere in his body until it's ready to be 'born' surgically. Once we solve that, we can go on to animals.

"But why stop with animals? I dream of the day when babies can be 'born' to inanimate objects--to machines. We could bring back that old TV sitcom, My Mother the Car: only this time, we'd mean it literally. I dream of a day when people can marry animals, their cars, or even their home entertainment centers, and have children by them. I'm working on it night and day."

But why does he devise abominations? What does he get out of it?

"Hey, it's what I do--okay?" he says. "You've heard of the American nation, or the British nation. Well, this is the abomi-nation! It's a state of complete separation from God--the ultimate exercise of man's autonomy. And don't say you people don't want it! Wanting this very thing is what got Adam and Eve kicked out of the Garden of Eden. You've always wanted it."

Oh, did I forget to mention this guy's name?

It's Satan.

Copyright by Lee Duigon